She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
COCAINE IS GR8
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
