At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
