I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
