I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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