By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
