On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
