I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
