I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
