i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
