I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize