I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
this will be a night to untag.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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