just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
