Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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