Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
