That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
