Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
