He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
