You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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