At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
