Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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