Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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