After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
