Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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