It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
