i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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