Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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