hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
