Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
