I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
