Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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