its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize