so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
