there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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