I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
