ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
