Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
just tell him i said nine months
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
