How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
