I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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