this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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