we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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