i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
