Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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