Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
how drunk are you?
Several
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
