He uses pillows to masturbate.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
