There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
