i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
