fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
