wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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