Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
