Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize