oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Randomize
