i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
