i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
