whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
