It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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