Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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