Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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