actually, I'm a sock model
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
