From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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