So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
