im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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