he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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