when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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