lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
