she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
