One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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