I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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